I’ve had this disconnect in my life between my desires for the type of family I’d like to have and the amount of heart & effort I was willing to put into my family. Lately, God’s been working in my life regarding my kids and really learning to enjoy them, to enjoy & value these days.
For example, I really want to home school. But part of me wants to give it a lick and a promise, and keep doing all the stuff Anne is interested in. But the larger part of me wants to enjoy it and invest in it. But that means I need to be willing to put aside other passions and interests, put my heart into it, read about it, develop myself in this area, inspire my own emotional involvement, etc. Because that’s what I’m imagining and wanting it to be.
It’s the same with the type of relationships I want to have with my kids. Am I willing to circle my heart, time, desires around this area, to the exclusion of some other stuff, in order to pursue the types of relationships I really want to have with them?
So I’m finally grasping that if these areas are of such value to me, then I need to be putting aside my other stuff in order to do it the way I sense God is leading me to do all this, and not resent the greatness of investment it’s requiring of me.
At our recent women’s conference, we had a time when we talked about forgiving. And at the end of the lesson, we were encouraged to take rocks into a little pouch symbolizing the people we were struggling to forgive. I didn’t really have any people, but I did have some resentment in life, and I finally realized what was going on: That I was upset that, in order to fulfill the roles and responsibilties in my life in the way that I want and I sense God wants from me, it’s taking much more of me than I want to give. So can I come to a place of peace with God that He’ll help me accept all that I need to invest in these areas and give up in other areas order to do this.
(I feel like i’m talking with cotten in my mouth, like, “AM I MAKING ANY SENSE AT ALL????)
Also, it’s so neat how God brings things together … my midwifery studies have led me into facilitating an online course about oxytocin. I read and am continually reading about this wonderful hormone of love, connection, bonding. It’s helping me feel happy, loving feelings for my family, something I have been kind of lacking in. So how neat is that?
OK, back to math worksheets, doing mosaic puzzles, breastfeeding, laundry, heating the soup, etc. …
Read Full Post »