it’s easy to blog when there are happy, hopeful things to write about isn’t it? it’s nice to read, cheers us, so us-filled (not always in a sinful way).
But i don’t want to just be a fair-weather blogger. I want to blog when I’m going through disappointment and grief and doubt and uncertainty.
Paul’s adoption is basically on hold until we can become property owners. And very honestly, this is moving past the realm of my faith. (Confession: this writing is journal-ish, so hopefully, like David in many psalms, I will be writing myself into spiritual truth, so bear with me here.)
Do you know long I’ve been talking to my dad about us becoming property owners? About three years. Do you know that we mentioned this in our presentation during our last visit to the States, that we really want to find a loan to buy a house, and zero people expressed interest in this. Do you know that ukrainian banks are 1) unreliable 2) charge incredible interest 3) and that notwithstanding, they are currently not giving loans. Do you know that American banks don’t give loans to buy property overseas? We have come to the conclusion that getting a loan from private individuals is probably our only way to go. But that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
Currently, a three-room apartment in our region is about $130,000. Two years ago, it was $190,000, so it’s gone down, but we’ve been in a dip and things are starting to go back up.
All around, it’s a great investment, for us personally and just as property investments go. Kiev is a major European city.
But back to my faith, or wait, lets go back to Paul. It’s funny analyzing myself going through all these emotions as we were driving in the car after our meeting today. It’s like a grieving process, not that adopting Paul is totally out, but MY PLAN is dead for now.
Maybe that’s a good thing. Actually, with what I know I about God, I know it is a good thing. God certainly has a plan. He has all our best in His mind, and He works toward that. For example, it is not His will that Paul perish never knowing about His gift of eternal life. On some level, it’s not His will that Paul remain an orphan. It’s a redeemable situation.
It’s God’s will that my heart and faith be strong and pure, and He’s working to that end. It reminds me so much of the many long years I wanted to become a missionary here, and God simply did not allow me to do it. He put the desire there but had me wait.
At the time, you don’t know if the waiting is “no” or simply the waiting before the green light. But learning to trust that God is working out His will for me in all these things, that God’s heart towards me is good, always, always good is key.
So I have been going through the death of my little plan today and I can say that it’s a good thing now. I affirm that I trust that God’s plan is best, for all of us involved.
I affirm that God can indeed provide a way for us to purchase property if that is what our need at this time is, for our family, for adoption, for Paul.
One of my favorite lines of the Psalms:
No good thing does He withhold from them that walk uprightly.
If it’s a good thing, He will not withhold it. If He withholds it, it was not a good thing for us, for this time.
OK, God, what is Your plan? I am ready to ask and listen.
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