I’ve been reflecting lately about how my life seems a bit more normal to me lately. I’m not sure how to explain it. But seeing how Skyla turns 10 next month, I’m into my 10th/11th year of this full-time pregnancy-breastfeeding life.
Pregnancy and breastfeeding don’t leave room for a lot of choices. And co-sleeping with the littles (which actually makes things easier for me), extended breastfeeding (which I also love), home schooling, basically letting my kids invade most every area of my life …. It’s been shocking, tough, stretching me in ways that feel like ripping apart.
Since the girls are older now, I feel like something is shifting to make things easier, to grant me back portions of my life, but in a new-me, kid-rich way. Things are so much easier with two older girls, though I make it a point to let them be helpful as daughters and not force them to be mothers to their siblings 🙂
I like that I have submitted myself to giving up for kids. It’s a process, and I’m glad I’ve moved my boundaries over quite a bit to give out to my kids. I hope I can get to be more like my unselfish, hard-working mom, but I’m still a work in process. I actually don’t feel like I’ve let them in all the way yet, it’s an on-going thing as we all live, change, and grow.
“No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11
The pain of disciplining myself in a gentle, accepting mode of motherhood is starting to have a felt payoff. I like being with my kids. I like being a calm, understanding mom. They don’t drain my emotional tank like it used to be. It’s become pleasant.
These photos are nice to me, symbolic of this feeling of entering a new time, because I’ve once-again (for a few months now) been able to wake up very early, with no alarm set, before the girls/kids. That is my natural tendency, which disappeared during the previous 10 Years of Hardness. I’m resurfacing in a transformed/transforming state.
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