A few months ago, I was contacted by the large, european fertility center/birth house here in Kiev. They had a new director and he wanted to hear my experiences with their facilities and any concerns I had.
I contacted two other american doulas who’d done stuff like this before and they came too. In our pre-discussion, one asked me what topics we wanted to mention. So I quickly wrote up a one-page deal with a nice greeting, then the good and bad points I tell clients about their birth house.
At the end of our meeting, he took that little made-at-the-last-minute paper. He showed it to the investors he had visiting that day. He later translated it and handed it out to all the department heads.
Moral: be careful what you put in writing
About discovering unforgiveness. This meeting showed me that there was unforgiveness in me toward these medical personnel. I started imagining what I would be like if we were actually going to be talking to doctors. And I was having physical reactions of anger just thinking about it. And honestly, I didn’t want to forgive them. I just wanted to be angry.
Then God had mercy on me, his little child. And I want to testify why it is important to go to church and be scripturally encouraged in the faith by others of God’s people.
That Sunday, I wanted to go to church, then leave. I had had almost no me-time the last few days, and I desperately wanted to be alone. I was there at church, and I thought, oh, the girls are in sunday school then they’ll go to awana, and andre is so fussy I can’t really enjoy the preaching, having to walk in and out of the auditorium with him, so I’ll just put him in the stroller and walk to the mall and sit and read my Bible while he’s asleep. And pray about this unforgiveness I want to keep.
That’s what I wanted to do.
But I also knew that I needed to get out of the vanity of the world and come back with God’s people and be reminded and encouraged. So I stayed.
And there was one moment, God’s Spirit just released me. “Just let it go, Anne. Your anger will only hurt everyone–the moms, the doctors, yourself.” And he gave me the freedom and power and desire to do that.
I was reminded of this moment tonight as I listen to this song. A line in it says “The broken Bread, Jesus, You teach us to forgive.”
I testify that it is true.