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Archive for February, 2012

my pregnancy meditation

Two things came together for me a few weeks back. I read in a midwifery textbook that the most important preparation a woman can do for birth is her emotional/psychological prep. That just stuck with me (because I tend to be so geared toward mechanical/technical/academic knowledge). And then one night I was dinking around with some online Bible studies, and I came across Psalm 91. And I thought, why don’t I use this psalm as my birth prep? So I started meditating/writing.

I want to share some thoughts from verse 1.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

My meditation:

These two lines seem to say the same thing: dwell in His shelter = abide in His shadow. And whose? The Most High, the Almighty.

Before, I always think about me in regard to these verses and ponder how to dwell, how to abide. But this time, I was drawn to the names of God used here.

And I was impressed that, from this verse, I see that these names/qualities of God are my comfort, they are what I run to and hide myself in.

The Most High–This is the One who is over all, all the universe, all bodily processes, all people, all authorities–all of life. He gives life, and really, He never “takes it away,” He just moves it from one place to another, from earth to Home, or from earth to eternal punishment.

So I needn’t fear death. God gives life and death is His moving a person–His own creation–to live in another realm.

Lord, all the lives dear to me–You are over them all and I trust You with them all.

Every movement of my body during birth, every movement of our baby, of his/her heartbeat, You are over it all. Every thought You want to prepare for us, for Vitaliy, You are over all, the Most High.

Almighty–God has all power to do as He pleases. And I am comforted by dwelling/abiding in Your shelter. I do not need to fear Your power over me. Your power and You are my comfort, my peace, my refuge and trust.

I am so happy I can commit this birth to You. And not only the birth! But every single thing in my life. You are over all, the Most High, and You have, of course, all power! And these two truths are my source of comfort, safety, and joy. Thank you. No matter what comes, in childbirth, in all of my life–my death, our child being deformed, Vitaliy’s death, my children’s death–these truths of your Being are my refuge. You rule all, with all power.

 

 

 

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That was supposed to be funny 😀

I am alive and very busy, contemplating and learning a lot, but having to very, very pare down on my “extra-familial” activities. But I think I’ll post an update, kind of an overview of what’s been going on. I haven’t even been posting many statuses (stati?) on FaceBook these days, if you can believe that!

I am doing a lot of midwifery studies. Currently, I’m working through Section 4A; I am reading Anne Frye’s Holistic Midwifery volume 1 (all 1151 pages of it!) and answering 175 questions. As of right now, I’m on page 1017 and question #172. Closing in on this section! Then I just need to typetypetype everything for submission by April 9, Lord willing.

Skyla is 6 this year, so we’ve started some home schooling. Vitaliy’s taught them to read Russian (much more letter-sound consistent than English), and they are reading fairly well. He printed out a little bit of a children’s Bible for them (in Russian) and they read the same page 5 times each day. It’s written in poetic form, so Vika has even said a page as a poem in church once so far.

Then I started math with them, too. We’re using Horizon math workbooks. The hilarious thing is that Vika (who is 4-almost-5) just luvs doing “school” and she is on lesson 37  or something. While Skyla, who doesn’t lurv school so much is on lesson 17, I think. . . . . Still scratching head about that one.

Skyla is also in AWANA this year, and really enjoys that. She memorizes her verses (in Russian) and does her pages. Vika ends up memorizing the verses b/c she hears them so repeatedly.

Moving into a spiritual perspective on some things, I want to say that I feel like we are in the “tree planted by rivers of water, bearing fruit in season, leaf not withering” season of life. Good and stressful-good things are being required of us.

The rehab center in our village house is going well. About 4 guys have been there for several months now. Others come and go. Two more just came. Vitaliy says one has fleas. One guy (who was asked to leave b/c he didn’t want to change) almost died at one point and was in the hospital. Overall, the men are growing a lot spiritually. It’s hard, of course, to live together and get along. But when one of them complains to Vitaliy about another, he just says, well, I put up with all of you, so do you think you can put up with this one for a while? . . . I’m sure he says more, too, but that is one general point he makes.

And he stays out there, usually Sunday afternoon through Wed evening. Some weeks it’s different. So, here I am with the children, and God’s been helping me learn to single parent … and not call Vitaliy in those moments when I’m going out of my brain and want to strangle everyone . . .  😀 It’s better to call when I am feeling calm, you know?

With all the snow now, driving is much more difficult, well, just starting the van and cleaning it off is a big job. So I go out of the house a lot less these days.

I’m into my 31st week of pregnancy, too, and big as a boat, elephant, train, etc. I told Vitaliy he could call me his yacht. It sounds better than boat.

Probably the most challenging and wonderful thing that’s happened to us lately is that we took in (temporarily?) our 3yo nephew. He lived in an all-alcoholic-caregivers family, and the police removed him and he’s in our care. His mom agreed to go to a rehab center since she doens’t want to lose her parental rights.

Kostya is a cutie. He’s 3, has cerebral palsy so in many ways he’s on a 1yo-2yo level, makes noises, but not a lot of words, walks on his toe steps so he doesn’t walk yet, mostly crawls. He had bronchitis and a terrible diaper rash when he came, but those are gone now, and he’s gained weight, eats a lot more and a lot more variety now.

I am just thankful to God for this little guy. Skyla and Vika are doing so well at helping him, getting along with him, and he learns a lot from them and is much  more active because they are here! I’m really proud of them. I’ve enjoyed having a third little one in that I feel more experienced now at mothering and childrearing. He requires pretty constant keeping-an-eye-on, though, and so I’m very thankful for Skyla and Vika in that regard.

He may go to live with his mom at the rehab center in April before our baby is born, but we’ll see how it’s going.

Oh, we were told that we need to move in the next month or so, as the landlords need the use of this apt back. So we’re searching, feeling money pressure, packing stuff.

Whew.

I’m reading through the Psalms now, and I was touched by this verse for this time in my life:

For by their own sword they did not possess the land,

And their own arm did not save them,

But Your right hand and Your arm and the light of Your presence,

For You favored them. Psalm 44:3

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