It’s like air pressure that I didn’t know existed in my relationships has been let out.
No one has to be perfect; they can make mistakes; I don’t have to change them. I can’t anyway.
So just like I can peacefully trust God to lead the transformations (i.e., sanctification) in my life, I can peacefully trust God to transform those in my family to be what He wants them to be in His own time.
Vitaliy and I used to argue about child discipline; we’ve mostly stopped arguing, but we still didn’t agree with each other. And from both of us, childlish behavior, mistakes, and sin were mostly met with shame and harshness.
But with barely a word about child discipline, we have both come to a together understanding position on this. (We’ve just spent hours discussing our done-ness in Christ and all the many outworkings of this.)
For examle, Skyla was sitting on the laundry hamper eating dinner with the family the other night. She’s a very antsy kid, it’s hard for her to sit still. And suddenly the hamper flipped down putting her and her plate of food on the floor.
Before, Vitaliy and I both would’ve been upset, ungracious, and made her feel bad.
But without a look or a word, we both sat still for a moment. Then he walked over to pick her up and comfort her and I started cleaning up the mess. Then she sat at my stool (that hamper flips so easily anyway) and ate my plate, and I got another serving and sat on the hamper.
And it’s days of this. We’re certainly far from perfect; I see moments that could be so much better, and I think God is just starting in His making us into the parents he wants us to be. . . .
Skyla hurt Vika, yes, on purpose, she said. Before, I would’ve spoken harshly and done some form of punishment that probably would’ve upset Skyla. But I said, “You know, Skyla, God punished Jesus on the cross for your hurting Vika. . . . You can say your sorry to God and to Vika.” Skyla’s starting to ask more questions about God. I’m not talking about permissiveness or no consequences. Sure, there will be consequences . . . like a damaged (but forgivable) relationship with your sister.
But I feel so . . . free? Free from . . . I don’t know even. From controlling what I really have no control over? From feeling like I have to make my kids godly? and change Vitaliy to be more godly too, or just sigh and live with it? God’s doing His sanctification work in them, just like in me, and we can live patiently with each other, waiting for God to accomplish in us what’s done in Christ.
I’m not sure about all this. It’s where I’m at right now in all this proces.
I’ve been thinking about this verse:
Let no one keep defrauding you of your prize by delighting in self-abasement and the worship of the angels, taking his stand on visions he has seen, inflated without cause by his fleshly mind, and not holding fast to the head, from whom the entire body, being supplied and held together by the joints and ligaments, grows with a growth which is from God. Colossians 2:18-19
. . . Holding fast to Christ, from whom the whole body grows with a God-directed, God-given growth.
We look at and hold onto Christ and through Him God accomplishes/ed our progressive and positional sanctification.
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